A weblog of romance and madness

Category: Doped

A love of another fire

Love is like a firefly. Instead of reflecting light, it makes light of its own. It fills your crystal jar heart with delight and wonderment. But every once in a while, what looks to be a firefly, will turn out to be a wildfire. And if you try to catch a wildfire in your crystal heart, you will only end up burning to char.

The ones that survive become diamonds. They shine like the fire they are born of, and cut like a blade of all the pain in the world.

random notes I took or thought I took

Unedited realtime notes I took after smoking weed. Because fuck it, that's why. Dates added now.
(PS: Every time you see a couple of dots .. added after a sentence or phrase, insert a few minutes there)

[22 Dec 2014, just past 10 PM]
I had a joint a minute ago. nothing so far im trying to record the effects :p still as sober as ever they said it will take a few mins to take effect.. i've heard stories of people floating.. i'm waiting to fly.. nothing yet.. sober 100% small pain in the stomach.. guess that has nothing to do wiith the smoke.. btw, i took 3 puffs.. nothing yet.. i'm even p i took two more puffs.. no particular effect yet.. it felt better than normal cigarette actually.. smell was nowhere near that bad.. smelled like some herb.. my right eye is feeling a twitch god, i hope i dont get kick and do anything stupid.. no other effect until now it has been like 10 mins now.. 5 puffs total.. well, my other hope is that i get stoned and writes something incredibily i can hear the friend that i bummed from starting to sing something in the other room it has been like half an hour, but no effect.. and on a cliche move, i just started playing godsmack serenity on my mobile.. i had been hearing that it is a weed song since long.. nope.. no effect so far i guess my body is very repellent with serenity is over for a few mins now.. i switched to joe purdy's wash away.. a much better song more than 30 mins and still no effect.. just stood up, walked around and went for a pee.. even my aim was sharp :p .. so i guess im not getting stoned this time the umpteenth song has played out and not even  a hint of anything.. it has been like 40-50 mins now i dont see any point pursuing writing this.. as i dont think im getting stoned (i can sense being a 0.01% dizzy, but thats all) im going to write a long overdue posts on chaos.rebugged.com closing no effect so far.. it's been like 1 and a quarter hrs now after 2 hrs, i took another 6 quick puffs and a long puff eye is a lil heavy now, but no other effect

[23 Dec 2014]
next day night.. 20:53 took quite a few puffs and waiting for it to kick in.. nothing yet.. hope i did a better job this time.. 21:19.. nothing yet 😐

[08 June 2015, past 9 PM]
Well, this one is not a realtime note. I'm updating this after a week. But I really get high this time. Not on the top of everest high, but kinda like on the top on an elephant high 🙂 I don't remember things too well now (which is the point, I believe), but from what I remember, I lied down and played songs, but even when I stopped playing songs, I could hear music in the background. I wonder if it was my roomies actually playing music in the other room or actually tetrahydrocannabinol playing tricks on my neurotransmitters. But an imporatant thing to note is that I couldn't tell the difference. Another effect was that, well I can't really explain it, everything I did felt mildly interesting – such as moving my arms or noding or smiling etc. I remember keeping smiling for long time, but it could've been just a few seconds too. No visual hallucinations as far as I can remember.

But, is it something I look forward to doing again? Nope; mildly interesting is the word.

I’m Lucifer

I was always a misfit. It’s not easy. There were times when it was achingly difficult. I tried to blend in, but it had its limits. Pffft, and after all, there is no fun in being normal, regular. I finally decided to cherish what I’m, rather than what everybody expected me to be. I wanted a name. I began searching for the perfect name. The perfect name for a born rebel. The perfect name for a knowledge junkie. The perfect name for a free soul.

It dawned to me that the perfect name was the name deemed most imperfect. Name of the child of Dawn. The original misfit. Morning star. I chose Lucifer.

But.. Lucifer? The devil?

Before you run for your pitchforks and torches, take a moment and think of all the atrocities committed by god fearing people. Murders, rapes and world wars, discrimination, torture and hate crimes, and all the other things heard and unheard of. If all these are the doings of God’s followers, then I would rather have very very nothing to do with such a God.

You teach, you are a teacher. You heal, you are a healer. Your actions become you. Your beliefs become your actions. You are what you believe in.

In a world where people say they love the rain but stays inside when it rains, In a world where people pray to God to be kind to them, but are themselves not kind to others, In a world filled with perfect people, I’m a mistake and a misfit. I’m what I believe in. I’m Lucifer.

Pete: You need to give the painting back. People are looking for it, bad people..

Johnny: You may have a point, Pete, but I can’t give it up.

Johnny: You know why?

Pete: No, why?

Johnny: You see that pack of Virginia killing sticks on the end of the piano?

Pete: Yes.

Johnny: All you need to know about life is retained within those four walls. You will notice that one of your personalities is seduced by the illusions of grandeur. A gold packet of king size with a regal insignia. An attractive implication toward glamour and wealth. A subtle suggestion that cigarettes are indeed your royal and loyal friends. And that, Pete, is a lie.

Your other personality is trying to draw your attention to the flip side of the discussion. Written in boring, bold, black and white, is the statement, that these neat little soldiers of death, are, in fact, trying to kill you. And that, Pete, is the truth.

Oh, beauty is a beguiling call to death and I’m addicted to the sweet pitch of its siren.

That that starts sweet ends bitter. And that which starts bitter ends sweet.

That is why you and I love the drugs, and that is also why I cannot give that painting back.


Conversation between Johnny Quid and Pete, RocknRolla.

I own nothing.

Not even myself. We are all borrowed sets of particles that have existed in the universe since always, to infinity.